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OCTOBER 7, 2023
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LIGHT MODE
Fark
Photoshop this elaborate thing
South Korean diners refused service at North Korean restaurants. Get real North Korean food experience of starving
Flea causes scar tissue, loss of hands and feet. Dancin' down on life with agility doesn't need mittens or gloves in frigidity; give it away, give it away now
Unhinged man has bottled up rage, attacks 3 people with glass bottle in unprovoked NYC rampage
Conker players must bake their nuts as they're too soft to play with (possible nsfw content on page)
Effective Jan 1, you no longer have to tip the waitstaff in Chicago. Trying the veal is still recommended
GA prosecutor deems murder justified because the victim was a dirty hippie sitting in an assault tent while protesting Cop City
Shockingly, a liquid candy named Mega Toxic Waste and served in a roll-on deodorant wasn't a great idea
Here we have 24 potential memes from the outside world
Check the license plate on your ubers, girls
Long Island school bus driver fired after apparently consuming too much of the local iced tea
From the actual headline: "More than 100 bodies found in funeral home"
Because the top tax rate in the U.S. 40 years ago was 70%
Christian school (because of course it is): Girls don't belong on the football field. They belong in a kitchen, or the bedroom
Woman on train strikes again, and appears to be wildly xenophobic (but strangely not racist). Yet
Onion
Members Of Taylor Swift’s Squad Explain What They Think Of Travis Kelce
House Elects Kevin McCarthy’s 8th-Grade Bully As Speaker
Commander Biden Gnaws Washington Monument Down To Slobber-Covered Stub
Jared Leto Asks If He Ever Going To Get Into Real Trouble For That Stuff He’s Been Doing
Effects Of Future Climate Change Migration
Pros And Cons Of Keeping Senile Politicians In Office
Confusing Haunted Maze Fails To Explain Narratively Why Someone Would Jump Out From Corner Screaming
Celebrities React To Their Ratings On Wikifeet
McCarthy Becomes First Speaker Removed By U.S. House Vote
‘I Used To Float, Now I Just Fall Down,’ Crying Kevin McCarthy Sings Under Breath
Pumpkin Makes A Roll For It
Drunk Couple Accidentally Does In One Night What Other Couple Has Spent 6 Years, Tens Of Thousands Of Dollars Trying To Do
$899 Seems Like A Lot, Salesman Acknowledges
Unsound System
Women Explain Why They Want To Have Elon Musk’s Babies
Hard Times
In an Attempt To Lift This Demonic Curse, We Ranked the Best Horror Movie From Each State
The Top 20 Songs by The Strokes to Reminisce About During Your Colonoscopy
Punk Cat Keeps Leaving Dead Kennedys Merch on Owner’s Pillow
Every The Aquabats Album Ranked Worst To Best
Starbucks Doubles Down On Fall Menu With Wet Leaves Latte
My Grandfather Died Peacefully in His Sleep. Here’s Why I Think the Far Left is Responsible
“Friends” Characters Ranked By How Likely They Would Narc On Your Kid’s Unlicensed Lemonade Stand
REPORT: Bandmate Controlling Music Added At Least Three Hours to Trip
15 Fictional Nightclubs Ranked By How Easy It Would Be To Score Some Blow There
Fugazi Fan Corrects Guy Picciotto on Pronunciation of His Last Name
Every Ice Nine Kills Album Ranked Worst To Best
Nation’s Grandmothers Announce Formal Inquiry Into When You Got So Tall
Heartwarming! This Hero Dog Saved Three Kids, so We Let It Bite the Shit Out of One!
Biden Campaign Prepares Release of Incredible Martial Arts Video of President Destroying Aides Without Even Laying a Finger On Them
50 Slasher Villains That Would Still Make a Better Father Than Mine
PARROT REPORT: 10/7/2023, 1:21:17 AM UTC
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