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OCTOBER 3, 2023
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LIGHT MODE
Fark
Old & stale: road rage. New hotness: EV charge rage
Daycare unsuccessful at providing swimming lessons
"Viewers watch by live feed as these chonky bois bulk up for the winter - transforming from lean machines into absolute units. From there, viewers vote for the "fattest" bear"
Waking up in a bathtub full of ice isn't just an urban legend in Pakistan
WHO recommends new malaria vaccine that is cheap, easy to produce, and effective, which is the greatest announcement they've made since getting rid of Rose
San Francisco finally realizes housing problem and empty post-covid office problem can solve each other. You still can't afford to live there, but at least its a start
Photoshop these grand Grandalas
Today I learned "willful fireraising" is a crime in Scotland, when I thought it was a national past-time. Also, a guy set fire to six cop cars at a prison and then drove off in a car with stolen plates
Pittsburgh International Airport is going to need a bigger barrel to put all the confiscated guns in at this point
Huge fireball from explosion lights up Oxford; too early to know exactly what happened, let alone the balmoral of the story (possible nsfw content on page)
FARK ready headline: A nonprofit wants sharpshooters in helicopters to kill over 2,000 invasive deer living on California's Catalina Island
Putin plans to cut off aid to Ukraine by...... spreading disinformation and propaganda in countries aiding Ukraine
Photoshop these biker chicks
Debra Jackson says she likes flying Spirit Airlines because it is convenient and casual. "I don't have to get all dressed up like I'm flying jetBlue or something," (possible nsfw content on page)
"Michigan is a toxic dump". Also, there's lots of dangerous chemicals being left there
Onion
Report: U.S. Economy Loses $5 Billion Every Year To Americans Rising For National Anthem
Sex Moves You Should Never Try To Copy From Porn
54-Year-Old Facebook User Wins Nobel Prize For Own Extensive Internet Research Into Dangers Of Covid Vaccine
New ‘Great British Baking Show’ Season Breaks Boundaries With First-Ever Yorkshire Pudding Contestant
Grandma Scammed By Every Piece Of Technology In House
Fox News Host Outraged By Viral Video Of Mob Of Thugs Using Coupons To Save Money
Wyoming Announces It Now Adults Only
ESPN’S ‘NFL Live’ Spends Full 10-Minute Segment Meticulously Breaking Down Player Running In A Straight Line For 3 Yards
Dune Buggy
Ex-Boyfriends Of Taylor Swift Give Advice To Travis Kelce
Signs Touting ‘Autoworkers For Trump’ At Michigan Rally Found To Be Fake
Pros And Cons Of Getting A Flu Shot
Unsound System
Your dream home!
Chiefs Fans React To Travis Kelce Dating Taylor Swift
Hard Times
“Bob’s Burgers” Characters Ranked by How Likely They Are To Get a Terrible Face Tattoo
Florida Mom Outraged To Find Copy of “Diary of Anne Frank” Floating in Waist-High Water in Her Living Room
Every Avenged Sevenfold Album Ranked Worst To Best
Incredible: Guitar Plays in Left Ear, Then Right Ear, Then Both Ears
Chill Restaurant Lets You Put Paper Towels in the Toilet
Recently Sober Friend Pounding Non-Alcoholic Beers With Familiar Ferocity
Eight Songs We’re Listening To This Week To Take Our Minds Off The Roman Empire
Goth Band’s Worldview Forever Changed After Single Visit To Water Park
Opinion: Everyone Standing Outside This Tour Bus Hoping to Meet the Band Is a Pathetic Loser Except Me
Audience Member Preparing to Throw Phone at Taylor Swift Torn Apart by Mysterious Shadows
Funeral Ruined by Creepy Guy Just Lying There
We Went to a Chicago Hot Dog Eating Contest but It Turns Out They Just Eat Like That Normally
He’s Just Not Good at His Job: 30 Patients of Dr. Sam Loomis Ranked by How Many People They Went On to Kill
Mitch McConnell Relieved to Learn That the Black-Robed Skeleton He Kept Seeing Wasn’t There For Him
Nations’ Cigar Smokers Announce Plans to Look Stupid and Smell Like Shit
PARROT REPORT: 10/3/2023, 3:00:22 AM UTC
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